living in the tension...

It has now been six months since Bernie & I were invited to move to Amsterdam to plant a church with a team of ‘dangerous dreamers!’ This has been a crazy few months filled with excitement, anticipation, growth, tears, prayer, team building, planning, grieving, fish oil, etc., etc. We have so much to prepare for to move towards our future call and so much to be fully engaged in here!

I have been confronted with my own complacency and realizing just how ‘settled’ into my lifestyle I am. After all, isn’t that what you do in mid-life? Words that come to mind to describe our age group are words like: ‘empty nesters’, stability, security, familiar, comfortable, calm, safety…and yet, this life I/we have been called to seems somewhat scary, uncertain, unknown, risky, adventurous. I haven’t quite figured out what my life should look like in this ‘in between’ stage, but I have figured out that my life does not look like the normal life of a person in mid-age!!! I know I don’t quite ‘fit’ and am living every area of my life in a place of ‘tension.’

In an attempt to further prepare for our move we have been making an effort to cut some of the fluff out of our budget…things like canceling service to our home phones, canceling our Blockbuster membership, cutting back on Starbucks (REALLY hard), etc. I told Bernie, “we need to stop living like we are staying here and live more like we are preparing for another place,” and as I said this I was reminded that this is the way we are to always live our lives as followers of Jesus!!! We are challenged to live a life that is very different from many of our friends! We are called to ‘lose our lives’ to be fully surrendered to the life God has for us! This means being willing to live a life of sacrifice…not always being comfortable, not always financially secure, not always surrounded by family and friends, not always knowing where we will live, not always very calm, not always in control…clearly a place of tension!!

So, for today (my birthday!)…. I thank God for my very full, crazy, unpredictable, challenging life…as I live each day to the fullest here and prepare for my future life somewhere else…


Pressing On,
Roxi (living in the tension)